i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize