He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
