I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
