is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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