Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
