Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
