Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
