I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
