Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
