So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
