Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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