That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
