does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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