So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
