You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
