i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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