you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drunk is not a location!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I just sharted jello shots
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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