I think i sorta joined a cult last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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