I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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