Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize