so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
