I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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