what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
