Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
