im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
