she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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