watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
