to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
