I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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