Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
