So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
