so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
