doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
