Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
