Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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