Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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