smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
