I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There's always time for handjobs
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
