i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
