last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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