you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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