Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
