apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
