3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
