I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
