my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
