shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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