That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
