I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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