there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
my liver is dry heaving
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
