i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
