Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
