Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think your dad took our porno
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
