I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
