I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize