last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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