R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
