i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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