Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
