is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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