no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
There are leaves in my underwear?
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