Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
