even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
