he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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