I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
