Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize