i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize