You're a womanizer and a bitch.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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