ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
