You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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